because you are the best laaaawyyyyerrrr in tooowwwwnnnn

tomorrow i will be done forever

and im feeling VERY nostalgic

all i want to do is take pictures of everything at york 

mainly the things that mattered to me

so basically i want to take pictures of every bathroom at york 

that i hid in instead of being social

or going to class

or doing anything 

i realized a few days ago when i was there that i know where all the bathroom at york are

and not because i have poor bladder control

so maybe that's what i'll do

that is EXACTLY what i'll do

i'm going to take pictures of every bathroom i've ever lingered in a little too long to be considered normal to avoid having to make eye contact or walk through a crowd or *gasp* actually attempt conversation in a setting that isn't a classroom

im going to take pictures of them all and make a scrap book titled: 

"york university: the best years of my life!"

but secretly it will be all about social anxiety 

and how a desire to constantly impress everyone 

at all times 

makes it worse

as does copious amounts of coffee

and i'm going to decorate it with stickers

i've actually wanted to make a scrap book for a long time 

but i can never think of anything worth documenting on paper in my life

because facebook is faster 

project!!

i'm listening to the weezer tribute album

it makes me think of highschool

and why i never hid in the bathroom there

?

and that makes me concerned for when i am older

will i hide in more bathrooms, more of the time?

cause that's the direction i appear to be headed

i love how i talk about my stupidity as if it is something thats happening to me and entirely out of my control

and not something i could choose to change

i was thinking about partying it up hxc after the last exam tomorrow

and getting super drunk and maybe puking out my anxiety all over the backseat of my car

but then i remember i kind of HATE drinking 

and can be an idiot / dance like one, without alcohol

in fact, alcohol doesn't really affect my horrid dancing skills that much

except maybe makes me think im a marginally better one 

i wish i had more to say but ive been locked in my room for the past two weeks because i feel too guilty going out instead of staying home learning about how Freud thinks that guilt is the reason we can't ever be truly happy and kids want to fuck their mothers

thats another thing ive wanted to complain about for a while but keep forgetting to 

take a second to process that last sentence. i have to remind myself of things that i need to complain about.

i have to learn primarily about old men who lived a long long fucking time ago 

and what they think about the world

at least this year anyways because i decided to take a lot of philosophy classes for some reason even though i almost flunked out of school when my major was philosophy

who am i kidding i almost flunked out when my major was business too

i've had three different majors in five years 

point: 

all these old dead men had a affinity for fucking little boys

and no one would listen to pedophiles thoughts today 

and so i feel kind of angry that i have to hear what these guys think now

because all i can think about is the kids they butt fucked

on that happy note:

picture(s) of the day:

this is the gnome my mom saw in the garbage put out for the garbage men of a random person living on my street, and at 7 in the morning on her way to work decided to ring the doorbell of to ask if she could please take the gnome. they let her. it now lives in my backyard waiting for the opportune time to kill me. most likely while i sleep.

The Rainbow. this picture does it no justice whatsoever. it was a complete rainbow and i couldn't fit it all in my camera view. so i took a video of it. on my computer i have a video of a rainbow. the most amazing rainbow i have ever seen.

SSA Dr. Spencer Reid. boy genius of the behavioral analysis unit at the FBI.  also the love of my life apart from matthew. 

Quote of the day: 

Always be yourself .... unless you suck.

-Joss Whedon

all of those things that i thought were so easy just got harder and harder each day

so apparently i am fearful and full of anxiety

i think i might have had an inkling that that was the case

but it was totally confirmed for me on friday

AT WORK 

awesome

the only things anyone at work has to say to me now:

"just breathe hun"

"how ya feelin' babe?'

"you're way too young to be having panic attacks sweetie"

i feel like saying i know how to fucking breathe

but then i remember that i don't  

remember that time in first year university where i pissed my pants?

and i told everyone it was because i had a bladder infection

well i didn't

and it was a panic attack 

so yeah

that's my anxiety ridden story

university is done in one week exactly

i am SO GLAD

university (for me at least) was a lot like watching the penguin movie

what was it called

march of the penguins

it's like watching that

where it's a beautiful intelligent movie

but all it ever does is make you fucking sad and feel useless to help

so i watched march of the penguins for five years

i went to the zoo with matt and all the animals showed me their ass all day long when i attempted to take pictures of them

picture of the day:

the only pretty one i could get

quote of the day:

"i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity"

-edgar allan poe

doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo

so i've decided to have the best summer ever

details to follow

picture of the day:

because i like candy

and just discovered the macro setting on my camera

quote of the day:

Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try. 

- Yoda

skip a life completely, stuff it in a cup

picture of the day:

these are my peas. i eat them all at one time.

i love peas.

those are my empties

everyone in their 20's
and actually everyone in general
should go watch the movie "reality bites"
it is awesome

one more day
and i am done university school work forever
and then ..
i get to go to college!!
its hard to convey sarcastic enthusiasm over the internet

Quote of the Day:
'You need chaos in your soul
to give birth to a dancing star'
-Friedrich Neitzsche

turtle power!

Quote of the day:

One swallow does not make a summer, neither does one fine day; similarly one day or brief time of happiness does not make a person entirely happy.

- Aristotle

i fell into yesterday

so i finished my brutal essay

and because it pretty much consumed my life for a few days

i did something really beyond stalker

i facebook googled (searched for someone on facebook) my T.A.!

and i found his public profile

creepy to the max i know

but i found it VERY amusing

you know you assume your t.a's have lives outside of the classroom?

well mine does, it just revolves around old philosophers

he had pictures of Hegel in his albums

i find this very very funny

so i showed my friends in my class

they laughed a lot

but i know they secretly think i'm insane

and i can't really blame them

i decided to download a bunch of old AFI songs

i don't know what's with me wanting to all of a sudden be 15 again

i think its like, when you do something thats really really shitty

and then after a long time it seems like you kind of forget the bad parts

(i think forgetting bad things is a natural defense our minds have)

and then all you remember is that maybe it was cool

and sometimes it seems like, super cool

i think that's what is happening here

like, i think i liked being 15 because my brain has actually erased everything almost (because it was almost all bad) and just left me with good things

it took my brain 8 years to do this, so really, it must have been pretty bad

but all i want is to be 15 again

and so all i can do is listen to music i liked when i was 15

all the lyrics make so much more SENSE now

now that im not trying to manipulate them into meaning some crazy shit about not eating and maybe cutting

i wish i could be 15 again knowing what i know now

being a 23 year old in a 15 year olds life

god damn i cant even imagine how i'll feel when im 30

kelli, i know you want to be 15 again too, any theories why we liked that age so much?

what am i going to do this summer.

quote of the day (new addition to blog):

"we cross our bridges when we come to them

and burn them behind us

with nothing to show for our progress

except a memory of the smell of smoke

and a presumption that once our eyes watered."

-tom stoppard

picture of the day:

-piece 4 in 'food i like that is junk food' series: 'Secret Weapon' -

mercy

this is my blog today. it was going to be a video about high school musical that i am working on, but then matt decided to come over to my house, with his computer, and make a video which he titled: "matts BETTER video"
this is what he created:

awesome town

so now that i know how to do this, be prepared for a whole other level of narcissism.

you have to turn the volume up pretty loud to hear this. i will fix this in other videos.